Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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