I look better un-naked...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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