i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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