ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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