The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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