I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
