Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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