I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
