apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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