So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
