remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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