The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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