wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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