hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
