By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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