i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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