Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
