pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
