if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
