my room smells like sperm. sweet.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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