you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
