I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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