my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
