I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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