i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
