I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
