she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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