Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
