I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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