I heard we made out
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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