Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
