that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
