I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
