so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Can't talk, ducks in the car
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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