dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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