It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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