dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
