It was confusing and full of hummus
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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