I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
