you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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