oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
