I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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