My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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