I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
