I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
