Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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