We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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