youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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