No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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