she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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