The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
